There's nothing poetic or beautiful or even remotely enlightening about what youre reading. Being a stick in the mud isn't cute or sweet.

The longings of my soul reach out for love and touch, different than those from a lover.

Lovers love is delicate yet reassuring in a way that i know, i sure as hell know, that after dinner time kisses will be upon me. Kisses, I live for those almighty beautiful kisses. They touch my cheek, peck my neck and envelope my mouth. The touch you give is like no other, no one person will be able to duplicate the love you have stored for me, the rations of love you deal out ever so generously is something that gives me great joy. I love you for all the kisses and touches and looks of love only you can give me and only I could receive. I long for you when youre not near, I imagine the moment when we reunite. I bet that particular warmth, that one tiny but paralyzing feeling you give will make time halt, but only for a second. This love has been explored, inside and out. All the petals have drawn apart so we could peer deep inside one and other, we know this love like no other love.

What holds me tight, suffocates my breathing and keeps me from moving at times is a different love all together. The love of my painter, sculptor and conductor. This love you have in your hands, your love shines brighter than any dark. If I lose my way your light beckons. Your light looks like salvation, feels like the spring sun, melting away all cold and smells in such a delightful way I don't think I could ever tell you. The love of your light is one yet to be understood, thoroughly explored or felt from the depths of my soul. Im writing for you, please find me, my God.

Sit and wait, I shall.

Originally.....The Swan - Camille Saint-Saëns

Carefully, tediously and carefully am I choosing my words for a piece of music, an essence of life so beautiful only the soul truly knows what to say. For you....

eggs and toast for breakfast. spanish rice for lunch. hopefully dinner is something nice.

what does it feel like?

to feel nothing at all. 6 pounds heavier, falling faster to the bottom of my soul. too exhausted to work for the bottom so let me just fall.

twentynothings

Another tooth fell out from my mouth, just fell right to the floor leaving a gooey hole sized playground to keep my tongue active. Last week i lost a tooth and the week before that I said goodbye to another canine friend. My teeth fall deep and far inside my conscious while im cycling through REM, a trauma lacking physical evidence but a trauma none the less. I am screaming at myself, wake up and realize what youre missing! I always wake up and am reassured by smooth enamel, my heart stops and I breath, but than I remember my sub conscious is still missing a tooth, missing a something.

They say all you must do is say, say what you want, say what you need, say what you feel and say what you see. The more I say the more I feel like im spraying locusts and slow death out of a mouth that only intends to speak what I know. What I know never seems as harsh until I say, say, say it aloud and watch the earth sprawl.

oh g-d, where?

Here I am. Where are you? Should I open up first so you will feel more comfortable yourself?

Your silence is my answer. Okay, so here I am losing part of myself on a couch in a town that appreciates a room full of things upon things. Where did all the words go? Why do you forget about all of those words stored up so deep inside of you? Theyve been fermenting all these years, Im sure they are ready to be devoured, devoured by another soul that is trust worthy, wont judge you and will leave you with a hug that touches your toes.

Keeping my mouth shut and sealed is easy for me as long as I have you by my side. I can confide in you and hide in you, so far I can go inside you, be drenched by you, be consumed by your love. My mouth stays shut and my self locked up to everyone else but you?

Can I tell you my secrets and than whisper me your own? Maybe even shout them, secrets only know boundaries when they are whispered. The answer to this question is clearly a no. We cannot connect because I already have my gatekeeper whose ear stays close to my side.

What is truth if light is never breathed unto it?