Pus and blood is all I know, my poor body keeps getting knocked down every time I get a leg up.

I'm not sure if this time in my life is the happiest, the saddest or maybe just a time that I'll vaguely remember fondly but other memories will trump.  I miss you and wish you weren't states away.  Youre so happy that you met me, thats why you must leave for the night.  I understand completely.  How close do any of you really feel to anybody?  I crave that closeness, I can't escape this seriousness but I can't seem to take anything seriously lately except for these sinking emotions.  Sometimes I want to make big things happen and other times I want to escape to my house and curl up in a tight, safe ball of body heat and somebody elses life projected onto a screen.  My skin hurts from all this growing and healing, my wounds and my soul are taking on such big tasks lately and my body can barely keep up.  How do you know if youre happy?