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I have trouble often times expressing what my true desires are in life. The people pleasing aspect of my personality is usually in the drivers seat and I'm left buckled in tight in the back seat of my wants and needs. This is a mere attempt at taking some charge in my life and sorting through my heart and head and sharing this with whomever feels like reading some sap and crap. This is what I want now out of the life im creating, maybe not always and maybe not before and maybe all of these things aren't totally feasible but I can at least give it a shot School is starting for me next semester and I have a very equal sense of excited and nervous anticipation; will I get overwhelmed/bored and withdrawal(again), will I embrace this education I have offered to me and forget I ever had any anxieties or will I lose myself in papers and deadlines and forget myself? All these feelings make me want to not even risk any possible negative outcome and just do what I've wanted to do all year long: rent out my room, stick out my thumb and hitch around the country WOOFing and volunteering for different organizations until I make my way to Central and South America with only one real destination, Nicaragua. I have a little half sister, who is now more like a cousin to me, that was born and partially raised in extreme poverty. She no longer lives in Nicaragua but her siblings and mother still do, I'm not sure what would come of me visiting/getting to know them but I'd very much like to. I'd like to remain in these regions helping and offering my hands in whatever way and particularly working with impoverished children. I'm not sure if it's the right time in my life to pick up and go, maybe I need to finish school so I have better tools to help out in the ways I want to, maybe I should commit to something large(like school) and see it all the way through.

Some Orlando shit

I've been thinking a lot about culture in Orlando and how it's so easy for me to focus on the negative aspects of the city and what it has to offer instead of getting excited for and shinning light on the culturally aware scene that already exists and is upcoming in our city.  I wanted to share some of the shows, shops and other tid-bits of cool shit happening and passing through our city.  This might be nothing new for most of you but I still believe it's important to showcase what's been going on.  

October 29,2009 

Japanther forged through an intoxicating show that left everyone sweaty and begging for more.  The indoor tree at Stardust took a beating as kids groped at everyone and everything in sight with no control over their limbs as the lo-fi goodness flowed through all of our veins. Shows like the Japanther one a few weeks ago  make up for the shitty, hollow experiences that so many bands have to offer.  Inspiration to slip on my shoes and smack on my gloss to head out to watch yet another band in the hopes of attending that rare show that has the potential to unite the listeners and set them free all at the same time stem from performances like the one Japanther so purely and wholly offered us just a few weeks ago.  Good job, guys.

Please see what I'm rambling about

(this is a work in progress)