wom(e)(a)n

Skin's bleak, body weak and energy dragging. I'm worried for myself and everyone. Last night scared me so much. Hoping, praying I wouldn't get harassed or followed or eyed. All I could do is hope and pedal real hard. Passing people and people in cars whose intentions are unknown. It has little to do with their dress or color but everything to do with not knowing. Gender plays a part in all of this, at least in my experience and opinion. I've only experienced cruelty and violence from men in my life, my experience has molded my fears. Theyre real to me...and so many others.

I wish you could understand. Thats asking too much...just sympathize, thats all. Hear me and listen to my voice, hear my weariness and uncertainty and know that youll never understand and don't feel bad or ignorant for that, just sympathize with me and my hurt...listen.

I've learned so much and have sorted through what fears are rational and which are bred from years of abuse or ignorance. I'm no longer afraid of men expressing their thoughts on my physical me, althrough I am uncomfortable with it and and almost always insulted and sad to be seen before I am really seen. My fears are of men who take advantage and make the choice to be vocal about my body in situations that could clearly be marked as dangerous for the woman involved, i.e in the dark, on empty streets, while im on a bicycle and theyre a motorist and they scream and honk and pull up far to close just to get a better look. Don't they fucking get it! They are the carrier and spreaders of fear in a world where a woman is just trying to live, to live! To eat and to shit and to pay all these bills and to laugh and to spread love and kindness and awareness, we're just trying to do all this and more. We have the right to safely, strongly and joyfully do all this and more.