I was reading my journal last night and shouldn't I have grown bits and bunches by now? I tihnk im regressing and becoming more and more detached from myself and everyone around me. Insecurities have gripped me by the throat and the only way to squirm away and stand on two feet is to slice those buggers in half and violently (just in case you were wondering).

My goal is to love people but how the fuck can I love anyone if I havent come to full terms with just loving myself. I use to stand tall and could quickly rebuke harsh words with a confidence and love for myself that I kept close and tidy at all times. The dust has settled and I can no longer see myself, I have some major cleaning up to do and there is no better way to change the future than to start today. So I'm making a proposal to myself (a signature is not necessary) and it's starting to look like this:

1. Breath alone for at least 10 minutes every morning and every evening.
2. Write as much as comes naturally every day without faltering.
3. Step outside of my house and be around/observe others around me and stop being such a sensitive hermit.
4. Go to the places I want to be and do things I care about every day
a.more shows more music
b.Quaker House
c.fnb
d.leu gardens
e.library
f-z. i'll let them fill in.
5. Pray.
6. do/say scary things at least once a day.
7. Create everything I've always wanted to create.
8. Save up all my money for Montana,
9. Finish every book I ever started and have only been able to love a quarter of.
10. Zen the fuck out of my house (i.e clean clean clean, good smells, food, fix shower)